It was a year ago today that I started making a drawing each day.We are at #348 which means in a year I have missed 17 days. Not bad. But not so important--- I don't remember the days I missed.
I remember the feeling of drawing in the early morning half asleep. Warming my face over my coffee as I draw. Looking back over the drawings it is a record of the activity, the investigation, the exploration, the play for one life over one year. I remember the feeling of at least having done a drawing, a colored dot, a something . Will I stop now ? Goodness, no.
This time last week I was driving home from an airport run. Playing Janelle Monae 's Sincerely Jane over and over again --- just because its so cool. I know that is very high school but who doesn't do that ?
Last Sunday is miles and I mean-- miles--- away. So here is this Sunday that marks the ending of the work that I have been immersed in and the continuing of following this path , this pattern of what does it mean to lead ---really lead an artistic creative life. Art making never really stops. We never really stop because one thing leads into the next and into the next --- and then there you are making something --- all alone, but surrounded. Surrounded by tradition, by meaning, by context, by media, surround also by love .
What we do is not a mark of ourselves in the world so much as it is a way to allow others to understand themselves through our experience. We as artists open ourselves not for the accolade of opening but hopefully through the generosity of spirit we open, we become a conduit to something else. This kind of opening is done with faith, with trust in oneself ... and at times with a tremendous amount of insecurity, with tentativeness that comes with not knowing. However once we are comfortable with the unknown there is an explorer that takes over and bushwhacks and leads. This discovery is not just for the self. In fact left only for the self it is incomplete. Thomas Merton speaks about the boomerang of knowledge of the artist to the viewer and then back and then again to the viewer --- this cycles does not stop and is the completion; the continuation of the creative process. So here we are a week later different, and the same . Secure now in the insecurity and the discovery and the exploration in a new and then old way.
Ah... the cringe moment when I reread this post will be short--- because really to admit to gaining perspective on the work that I am making by going and getting a pedicure seems downright counter intuitive ! But, that's what I just did and I feel much more on track after reading who looks better in the same designer dress and other gossip while sitting in that 'massage chair ' getting my toes overhauled. I came to the conclusion that these next two sets of this series are not about the hook--- the how cool can you make this thing look and "you are kidding me ... its wood burning !? " Kind of thinking and kind of direction.
These next two sets are about honest, authentic mark making , presence in heart and in spirit. The simplicity in the making. The pieces are about staying still as much as they are about movement. So an afternoon of working outside , getting rained on, drinking my cold coffee while working at my folding table with my wood burner and then my soldering iron and the my wood burner--- feeling closer to a retired hobbyist in their garage than an artist ---and then leaving the house to get away from really what is the beauty of this work. It is quiet and in its quietness it is yelling loudly to the heart and to the spirit to the quiet openness of the interior. I am now ready to begin again.
Let me see if I can put words to this before I start to work today. What I want to talk about is how important dailiness is --- or rather has become for me. A daily practice that is about renewal and renewing of oneself and therefore placing a renewal of spirit out into the world, for the world. And in this daily practice there is a mystery, an openness that is gradual, that is about being.
Walking around the park the other day I listened in to conversations as I passed by--- like flipping slowly through talk radio --- I heard that one person's story at that one moment in time --- I am not a tremendously careful eavesdropper --- what I do listen for is the feeling of the conversation and the snippet of the story of other people. I suppose you could call it a hobby of sorts that was passed down from generations of melancholy Irish Catholics searching in other peoples lives for their stories--- nevertheless it is a genetic skill I come by honestly. As I pass by on my laps I listen for and then think about until the next 'channel ' of people --- what they were feeling as they talked.
Talking is what most of us do everyday. In this talking we are telling, reviewing , and renewing our story to be heard and listened to and mostly felt by others. This is how it has felt to go through these drawings that I have made almost each day. Some worthy of repeating , of saying again and again that is ... in sometimes a louder or sometimes a softer review and then becoming renewed. Being told again, being felt again.
#223-2.22.09
#225-2.24.09
#227-2.26.09
#229-2.28.09
#240-3.10.09
Here's in process images of set #4. Its great to see these up-- I can pretend that I didn't make them --- and wonder about what people might see in these images. The splat has this quality of cartoon and garishness that I am interested in for these images.
It was unmercifully hot when I took a ride this afternoon --- OK so maybe that is a little dramatic --- but it was hot! I worked this morning on the clerical stuff I have to do for the next show and did some other errands so that when I did start to work I wouldn't be thinking--- "... OK ... at 2pm I'll go ... at 3pm I'll go ...at 4pm ...." and then never leave the house. Compelled to write something about this work that I am currently involved with--- like maybe how it is opening the doors , making a difference in my perception ... or something like that ... I could ... but I am not certain of that as yet. I do feel that I have been in the midst of this work for about a year now --- I am confident when I say that I feel like this is the sort of voice I would like to give to these images that are coming through--- that I am working on. I think about things like how Star Trek really is a cool movie --- and Romulan is probably named after Romulus and Remus. I think about Einstein's expression : "Make it simple but not too simple." And I think about how this work is for people to see, to get something from , to be told a story, and to be opened up in their way by the personal and then universal images... and I think that I have more to do.
You may be wondering ... but where is set one ? I haven't started on them yet. Set #2 was begging for attention. This is a beginning of a series of works on paper and clay sculptures that are utilizing the drawings that I have done over the past almost 12 months. As with all the initial posts --- this is the start of the works. I am feeling good so far --- if not maybe just a little sentimental. But, it is a joy to do this work.
Humans want to be happy and it is right that they should. But by thinking only in terms of the self we destroy ourselves for it is a limited concept and has no room for anything stronger than the human order...We need other people to give us a sense of completeness;we need the community. We need the world and the duty of serving it. We need eternity, or rather we need the eternal, the infinite. And there we come to the new, God-conscious humanism.
Father Alfred Delp, S.J.
If you have ever made anything and walked by it, read it over and over again, listened to it and in this process thought .... something should be more, different, --- this is how I've been feeling about these birds.
Needing this work for an upcoming show -- I really wasn't interested in leaving it as it was --- so I opened up the frame and re-worked the piece. I feel much better now thank you --- after an afternoon of cutting into the image , drawing back into the pelican and the other birds with colored pencil and oil pastel. The piece now begins the story of image and layered-ness that speaks of something pregnant with faith , with sacrifice and with a quiet yelling that I was hoping for in the piece.
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